Mihai and Sorina
House-Parents.
When this interview was conducted, Mihai and Sorina had just returned from hospital, where one of their children had been admitted after suddenly taking ill.
Mihai: My name is Mihai and I've been working in this house for eight years and four months, since the opening of the house; my wife and I are looking after five children. R----- and F-----, who are fourteen; M----- is eleven, N----- four, and C----- - who is two and a half.
We live together with the children, and we’re helping them to make their life as pleasant as possible, and to pass over the hindrances they encounter.
How did you come to work here?
M: We worked at Colentina Hospital as teachers, and two years later we came with the children when this house was opened. We had known the children since they were very young - we were quite attached to them, and we followed them to this different kind of work - being a social-parent is something quite different from being a teacher.
Did you consider how your friends and family would react?
Sorina: The truth is, we knew what the prejudices were. Now the situation is different - but we tried to get them used to the idea… …Our parents accepted it, which was quite a relief in the children's holidays, because we were able to spend them in the countryside at my parents. It was more difficult on the street – the neighbours were more superstitious, if I can say so. They said they had been living there for years with no problems, and did not want problems to appear now.
Tell us more about their reactions
S: Well, they called the television, to make a report about ‘the sick children’, to show that all the neighbours here were against us, and that they did not want to accept us here on the street.
M: They all signed the letter, the television came - but later their action helped us, because they eventually realised it wasn't something so serious. Some of them even used to cross to the other pavement when they got near the house. Others just wanted not to have any problems - and that's why they didn’t accept us.
What are relations like with the neighbours now?
S: Very well, compared with what they were before. The television – besides showing what the neighbours wanted - didn't overlook what our organisation wanted to say. It was like a campaign for us and for the ill children, and the people learnt about AIDS, and being infected. People from the organisation came here, talked to the neighbours – we talked to the neighbours - but we were very much backed by those from the television. They did their job, showing both sides of the story.
M: It would have been very difficult, if not impossible, to pass over the situation without the support of the organisation. It's not easy at all when society doesn't want you and nobody helps you.
How did the organisation back you?
M: First of all we knew they were with us - and we were ready to protect a good, just cause. What we are doing is something good - and it's more simple to us when we know we are helped and understood.
Tell us about your family
S: In my opinion, we are a united family, and when we do something we don't neglect one another. …We spend our holidays together - the idea of separate holidays is out of question now. The children’s holidays are our holidays, too. We haven't considered this ‘a job’ for a long time. We are at home here, just as it is for the children, and being here with them - we don't see it as a duty anymore.
M: Our job is our life.
On the problems of integration
S: It's very difficult - I mean impossible - to integrate [our children] in the mass education system… …Because they have these health problems, they need special medical treatment, [and sometimes] even to be hospitalised - and when they miss school, all kind of questions would appear. We could not integrate them - despite the school authorities’ attempts to help us.
…We’ve had problems [trying to find teachers to work privately] with these children. When they came, saw the children, and found out about their problems - they left. They left without looking back. It's quite difficult to put these prejudices aside.
But your neighbours were able to change…
S: The neighbours changed. A lot – now they even come to visit us. We talk, the children go down the street and play with their children… But we took care - when one of them has a cut, he knows what he has to do. When he has a cut, he comes home, is bandaged and rests till the wound is closed. We try to avoid giving the neighbours any cause for objection.
M: We tried to teach the children to behave in as civilised a way as possible - so that there won't be a concern later, when they are grown up, that they might be a danger for other children - I mean by hitting them, or harming them in any other way…
S: …They’ve even started lending and borrowing toys - bikes, balls, toy cars. The children from this street come and play with them in the street, and they don't care if that toy car or bike belongs to ‘the AIDS child’. We consider this an important step for our children.
How do the children react to bullying, or prejudice, when it happens?
M: They don't say, usually, if someone calls them names or picks on them. They inhibit themselves, and don't say anything - so we have to watch carefully and notice if there is something - or somebody - bothering them. They usually talk about it later, when they feel secure, not immediately when it happens. And we try to speak frankly to them, without hurting their feelings.
They understand that if they are good children, obedient, and an example for others, then those children will accept them - and first of all, their parents will accept them, as an example for the others.
S: And we told them another thing - these prejudices are from people who don't know: just as they didn’t know about their illness, and got scared when they found out - it's the same with these people, our neighbours and other people who have prejudices... …It's the fear of the unknown.
Explaining this to them, they understood - and they tried to
understand the neighbours as much as they could. Their prejudices. But it's sometimes difficult even for us to understand them. It's absurd to cross to the other side of the street because a child is ill. We've passed over this a long time ago - but it existed, it was a part of our life.
M: We tried to teach them that if somebody doesn't accept us, this doesn't mean he is our enemy. We must have patience - we must come closer to that person, and the person to us. If we think of that person as an opponent, he will remain forever an opponent to us.
On health problems, and helping the children cope
S: Problems always appear - especially when the seasons change. Our children usually have problems in the spring or the autumn.
…Three years ago we had problems with M-----, we almost lost her. Her immunity dropped greatly - she wouldn’t eat.
But her biggest problems were related to her fear that she might die. This gave her an overwhelming anxiety. She was hospitalised for a time – but later we brought her home, though we recognised that we were risking a lot. I mean - she might have passed away.
But she felt better - and safe - at home, and this gave her the strength to fight and get through it. Her treatment was changed, too, but I believe that - if she had not found her peace, which was to be found only here at home, it would have been extremely difficult for her to get well again…
On the future
S: We’re worried because - the older kids are about to be in the eighth grade, and after this they must progress to a new stage of schooling. At this stage, they try to orient themselves toward something – but what? Our society is not ready to receive these children, is it? We teach them a job, we'll have to teach them a trade - but what trade? In which area? Because we - society - is not ready to accept them. It's difficult and it's a problem we are coping with now.
M: We can't solve this problem, because we don't have the finances to offer them - a private workshop, for example, where they could work. And we can't guarantee either that the state will provide them work in years to come.
What brings you happiness?
S: I am [especially] happy when… …winter passes to spring, and autumn to winter - because if the children are healthy and pass those seasons well, that means another year gained for them. It's… …extraordinary. It matters very much to know these children live.
What do you hope for the future?
S: Lord, to see them working somewhere.
M: R----, since he was little, has had a talent for constructing, repairing. And I hope, in time, to be able to make a workshop for him – where he would be able to work and make something when he is older… …I guess he might make souvenirs or... There are many things he might learn to make. Working together with other children, each one with his talents and gifts...
S: It might be a start for the children from other houses, as well.
M: He likes very much to garden, too - but we have no room to create such a thing. Perhaps in another house, like S----- House, a greenhouse or a bigger garden could be made.
But they should direct their efforts – they should not be consumed too much with work. Their priority should be socializing and integrating, and not 100% work and self-sufficiency. We must consider this.
What about the others?
S: M---- likes foreign languages very much. She likes Spanish very much… …she likes reading - she even dreams that one day she might become a translator. She likes helping others to communicate...
F---- likes gardening. But I've noticed lately that she likes to take care of how the house looks - everything should be arranged nicely, with taste, in a way that... gives a certain peace. She feels happy doing this, being herself a little inhibited. And for the two little ones – we will see in time. They like playing.
M: We'll see about their particularities.
What do you hope for from the future?
M: We hope that something will be discovered to make them well. And not only for our children, but for all the people suffering.
But at least - we hope we will all be happy, and accept things as much as is possible. This would be good for us, and for all those around us. Because if we live in harmony, the neighbours will have no problems with us - nor the state or society…
S: …To tell you the truth, I've gotten used to living with this fear, that this children will pass away one day. I really don't know how is life without fearing that it can happen one day. I don't know. It's very difficult.
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