Foster Child (F), 16
My name is [-----], I am 16 and I live in the children’s house at [-----]. There I have another 11 brothers and sisters, and we get along very well together.
On memories of life in the hospital
I remember that I liked to run away from the ward, especially with my friend [-----], who is here with me now. The nurses kept us locked up all the time, but because my mum was working there - in the hospital, very close - we used to run and go to her. So, we gave trouble to the nurses all the time.
When we ran, there was a small fence in the hall, blocking the exit. It was a meter high and we had to jump over it. I climbed on [-----]’s back, then unlocked the bolt for him. We ran to my mum. We were often caught in the lift – [-----] wasn’t good at doing those things - at hiding. He was seen by the nurses all the time! The nurses were always looking for us, desperately.
In the hospital, there were a lot of children, about 100 or even more. And I can’t say we had bad treatment - but not good, either. Some of the nurses were harsh... but that’s the same with everybody, and others were quite nice.
An ordinary day in the hospital... let me think how to begin. An ordinary day in hospital: the nurses came in the morning to wash and feed us, and then we waited until lunch - outside or in the playroom, depending the weather. In the afternoon we waited more in the ward - all the time we lay in bed. We hadn’t a schedule, so we just lay and waited most of the time. They considered us handicapped, and thought that we couldn’t do anything else. We waited all day long... then we went to bed early. It was bad.
So, that’s it. We didn’t do anything important. Sometimes we had an activity, but you know... tomorrow never came.
What kind of activity?
We had a performance on the holiday - someone came and did performances for the children, and gave us presents. I remember one day when my mum came to the hospital, and it was Christmas. Santa Claus visited for the first time — a man dressed up - and we had to go to the place where the gifts were, to sing.
Our first time meeting Santa Claus! We were curious to see what he looked like. Oh, when I saw him... Everybody screamed and ran out of the room! He had that big beard - and until that day, who had seen a bearded, fat, big-red bellied man? Nobody!
So, the children were crying, rolling on the floor, and the nurses were trying to hold us in their arms and make us go and pick up our presents - and we were screaming and moving our legs. I was hardly able to get there...finally my mother had to go to get the present for me because I couldn’t. After having arrived at [her foster home] I still needed some years to get used to the idea of Santa Claus.
Do you remember what he gave you?
Yes, I do. It was a purple Mickey Mouse bag, with sweets in it. It was the first time I saw a chewing gum.
How old were you?
I guess I was around 3 or 4 years old.
On coming from the hospital to her foster home:
There is a great difference between home and the hospital. I still remember the first time I came to my home. I came in a big white Volkswagen. Besides me there were [names four of her siblings]; there were five children who left the hospital for home.
It was cool! For the first time I spent the entire day outside - I used to have a strict schedule in the hospital: food in bed, food in bed, food in bed - very seldom we played outside. It was cool. The house wasn’t completely ready; it was ready but it did not have a fence... I remember there were great heaps of sand... something was about to be built. It was cool!
Let’s talk about how I felt, when meeting my mum for the first time. I’ll start by — “Mother” is my biological mother, and “mum” is my mother from [her foster home].
If I remember well, I saw mum for the first time in summer - I was swinging, and she came to the home with my dad, to replace our current parents - who were English at that time - so they came to pay a visit.
At the beginning they seemed nasty to me. I couldn’t get used to them. Well, when they arrived, I was quite used to the English parents, since they had been our parents.
Now, we really are… we feel like a family together. I am very fond of them - my biological mother is sometimes jealous if I call my foster-mother “Mum”. She asks - Who? Who am I talking about?
We love each other very much, I am very close to mum. I tell her everything that troubles me, what I like and what I don’t like, I discuss about all my problems... Daddy is sometimes envious that I spend too much around mum, and I talk to her all the time. We get along very well, we’ve been together for 11 years, the same with my brothers and sisters. We are on good terms together. There are some quarrels, like in any family - it’s impossible to have everything perfect.
What’s it like to live with so many brothers and sisters?
To tell you the truth, it is not difficult to live with all your brothers and sisters in the same place. It even seems an interesting thing to me. I’ve been to other families, in other homes, where there are fewer children - and it seems boring to me. At our home, you talk to one guy, get bored, you go and quarrel with another one - all the time you have something to do! We quarrel and reconcile almost at the same time. …We have a good time.
How would you feel, moving out to live on your own?
It would be a challenge… I’ll be able to manage. I consider myself mature enough, I am able to take care of myself and I wouldn’t refuse it. It wouldn’t bother me. At the beginning I might feel lonely - leaving a big group of children, family, parents - you know, all in the same place.
It would be a little strange to live by myself, but I guess in time this would be normal, ordinary. I guess my parents would be proud of this, too. This is their desire, too: to see all of us in our homes - even with children, why not - each one having a family.
On first finding out about HIV
I don’t remember how old I was when I first found out. But I remember one day - Mum has books, with this word – SIDA [AIDS] - you know? But we didn’t know about it. The question for us was – why do we have treatment, medicine, all the time? We could see that other people don’t have medicine all the time, so we asked – why me? Why do I have to take this tablet? And they said only - ‘Oh, you have a cough’, or ‘it’s cold and it’ll stop you getting sick’ – all the time a different reason.
One day mummy left a book on the table about SIDA, and it was – I think I was 8 or 9. I had just start to read. So I was reading, and saw the word ‘SIDA’ - and it said something about children, and I suddenly gasped - ‘Oh, we have SIDA!’
And at that time, people knew that if you have SIDA, by 15 you will surely die. On the TV they said that. So I was very worried, thinking - we have SIDA, me and the other children… and thinking, ‘We will die’.
I was very worried. And I didn’t tell the other children because I didn’t want to worry them. I kept it a secret.
After a while, we children tried to talk with Mum – ‘What does SIDA mean? Why do we go to hospital?’ And she told us – but little by little, not too much in one day.
On living with HIV prejudice
At the beginning, when we went to school on the bus, the [locals] found it strange, to be in the same bus with us - and there was a great space in the bus between us and them.
“Oh, they are handicapped, what are they doing here…?” This is what they called us, to separate us and the rest of the children. We were called ‘handicapped’ or ‘AIDS’ - they were stupid, and they are still stupid - and they said: “Here are the ones from the handicapped house!” And everybody remained aside, didn’t touch the metal bars where we put our hands... Crazy!
And we tried to be respectful, to get along with them as well as possible, and now some of them got used to us. Now, when they meet us in the street, they say: “Hi! Nice children!”
It’s very difficult in our country to say that you are infected - because people are not informed, and even if they are informed, many don’t want to accept this thing - HIV - and keep out of it.
Even at the school where we are now, we couldn’t say that we are infected with HIV. But one of the pupils at school is related to a person who works here - at Health Aid - and news was spread around the school, and everybody got panicked, even the teachers. They said: “How is it possible to have these children here?”
And Miss Anne [the head of Health Aid UK] had to come to the country and have a discussion with the teachers and with the parents - and their children. And to our astonishment, these parents understood and accepted us into the school as we are.
The situation is different for other children in the organisation who went to another school - it wasn’t found out, and mustn’t be, because it’s risky. Many don’t accept us, as I said - and they could be expelled out of school, and not allowed to study.
What do you feel about the fact that you have to keep your status a secret?
I think it’s a little bit strange, you know? I will say, though - [her foster-brother] - now he has a friend – a girlfriend, you know? And they talk about everything. And he said - ‘Oh, my girlfriend, she knows about me, about my problem…’
I was surprised, and didn’t know whether to believe him. So I was talking with his girlfriend in the park - and I said ‘So, you know why [her brother] is here..?’ But very carefully – not to give it away, if she didn’t know. I said - ‘You know why [her brother] is here in the children’s home?’
And she said ‘Mmm, not really. What are you talking about?’ And I said - ‘about his problem’ - and she said ‘What, that he has HIV?’
And I said - ‘Oh, you know!’ - and she said, ‘yeah, I understand.’ And I was very surprised, you know? Because all the other children say - ‘Oh, you have that? Eurgh!’ You know? In the school.
And I was very happy for him, very surprised, and she asked me why he has this problem. And I said, I’m not sure - but it happened to very many of the children in the hospital, with a blood transfusion. We don’t know exactly - but we all think that this was the reason.
So she said, oh yes, she understands – she’s very happy to have a friend like him, and she wanted to help him if he needed some help, you know? And now, she’s friends with all the children from our house. And one day she came to visit, to see where he lives, because she was curious. And she said it’s a very beautiful place, and she likes it very much.
And I was very surprised, because not many people understand. So she was the first to say - ‘no problem.’
Does it make you angry that not everyone thinks like her…?
No - because I understand that everyone is different in the world. Everyone thinks differently, so…
There are many people who understand us – not only us – all the children with this problem. And there are many who don’t – and don’t want to understand. …But I am not angry with them. Because I – and the other children who have this problem – sometimes we’re worried to talk or be close with someone who has some other problem. So I understand. Everyone is different and thinks differently.
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